The Impact of Social Media on Teens: Risks & Healthy Habits

Some experts express concerns that teenagers are becoming more anxious and suffering from low self-esteem due to social networks and text messages. In online communication, much is lost: nonverbal signals such as gestures and facial expressions are missing, which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Moreover, face-to-face communication often seems much more difficult. Often, children begin to feel insecure when they see that everyone online looks perfect. Teenagers try to meet this standard by posting photos in which they also appear flawless. But when their virtual image does not match how they truly feel, it only intensifies internal discomfort. Parents can help by setting an example of how to use technology properly. Try to give your children your full attention when you are together, and create gadget-free zones at home as well as designated hours when no one uses their phone. To support healthy self-esteem, engage children in activities that genuinely interest them. When they start valuing their skills rather than just their looks or material possessions, it becomes easier for them to feel happy. Many parents worry about how technology affects the development of young children. We know that preschoolers rapidly acquire new social and cognitive skills, and we do not want the hours spent on a tablet to hinder this. But adolescence is no less an important stage of rapid development, and few consider how intensive and personal use of technology by teenagers (much more active than a three-year-old playing with dad’s iPhone) affects them. Experts warn that social networks and text messages, which have become an integral part of teenage life, can contribute to increased anxiety and reduced self-esteem.

Indirect Communication

Teenagers know how to find something to do, especially after school, often staying active until late at night. When they are not doing homework (and even when they are), they are constantly online — texting, sharing news, trolling, scrolling through their news feed. Of course, even before the Instagram era, teenagers found ways to occupy themselves, but they communicated by phone or in person, meeting friends in shopping centers. It might have looked like idleness, but in fact, they were experimenting, developing communication skills through numerous live, real interactions, which are now becoming rare. Nowadays, teenagers learn to communicate by looking at a screen rather than at the person they are talking to. "We, as a species, are extremely sensitive to social signals," says Catherine Steiner-Adair, a clinical psychologist and author of the book "The Big Disconnect." "There is no doubt that children miss out on the most important communication skills because in texting, body language, facial expressions, and even subtle vocal nuances are lost."

The Risks of Indirect Communication

Certainly, texting creates barriers to clear information exchange, and that is not the only problem. The ability to make friends is an important part of growing up, and friendship is always associated with a certain risk. This applies to both new acquaintances and maintaining existing relationships. When problems arise, whether major or minor, it takes courage to honestly express your feelings and to listen to the other person. It is precisely through overcoming these barriers that friendship becomes interesting, exciting, and sometimes frightening. "Healthy self-esteem includes the ability to say what you think and feel, even if it goes against the opinions of others," notes Dr. Steiner-Adair. However, when communication takes place via the internet and text messages, many important aspects of real contact are lost. In texting, it is easier to maintain distance, and the stakes seem lower. You do not see or hear how your words affect the other person, and the absence of an immediate reaction gives you more time to think over your reply. It is not surprising that teenagers find phone calls "too intense" — direct communication can seem intimidating if you are not used to it. If children do not get enough experience with live communication, many will grow up to be adults who feel anxious even during a normal conversation. And as they age, when the building of romantic relationships and careers begins, communication becomes even more complicated.

Cyberbullying and the Impostor Syndrome

Another serious problem with indirect communication is that it has become easier to be cruel. "Children write things that you would never dare say to someone's face," says Donna Wick, a clinical and child psychologist. According to her, this is especially characteristic of girls, who usually do not like to openly argue in real life. "You try to teach them that it's possible to disagree without destroying a relationship, but social networks kind of push them toward more extreme forms of disagreement that can actually destroy a friendship. That is exactly what you do not want," she adds. Dr. Steiner-Adair also notes that girls are particularly vulnerable. "They often form their identity by comparing themselves to others, especially other girls, which makes them more susceptible to negative influences," she says. Often, low self-esteem is at the root of the problem. "We forget that aggression in relationships often arises from insecurity and the desire to elevate oneself at the expense of others," adds Dr. Steiner-Adair. Peer acceptance is of enormous importance to teenagers, and many of them are as concerned about their image as politicians are during elections — it is very important to them. Moreover, today children receive real feedback on how much others like them through indicators such as "likes." This can exert strong pressure. Who wouldn’t want to look better if given the chance? Therefore, teenagers can spend hours working on their online images: girls carefully select photos for posts, and boys try to outdo each other, pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in an already liberated online environment. Sometimes children even band together against the same people. Although such behavior is not new for teenagers, the advent of social networks opens up even more opportunities — and traps. When children scroll through their news feed and see that everyone looks perfect, the pressure only intensifies. We are used to worrying about unattainable standards set by photoshopped models in magazines, but what do you do when even your neighbor's photo has been retouched? It becomes even more confusing when your own profile does not reflect who you feel you are inside. "Adolescence and the early twenties are times when the gap between how you appear and who you really are is especially sharp," says Dr. Wick. "It resembles an 'impostor syndrome.' As you age and gain experience, you begin to understand what you are truly good at, and you hope that the gap will close. But imagine that your deepest insecurity is that you are not as good as you appear, and yet you have to look perfect all the time! It's incredibly exhausting." As Dr. Steiner-Adair says, "Self-esteem is formed by understanding who you really are." The more roles you play and pretend to be someone you are not, the harder it will be to feel confident in yourself.

Stalking (and Ignoring)

Another radical change brought about by new technologies, especially smartphones, is that we hardly ever spend time alone. Children are constantly updating their statuses, sharing what they are watching, listening to, or reading, and using apps that allow friends to track their location in real time. Even if a person does not intend to keep friends constantly informed, they are always available for text messages. As a result, children feel a continuous connection — communication never stops, and there is always something new happening. "Whatever our opinions about relationships maintained through social networks, children do not get a break," notes Dr. Wick. "That in itself can cause anxiety. We all need a break from the constant demands for closeness and connection — time to be alone, to recharge, and simply relax. Without this, it is easy to experience emotional exhaustion, which contributes to the onset of anxiety." It is also surprising how easily one can feel lonely amidst constant communication. Children have an uncanny ability to know when they are being ignored. We all carry phones and usually respond quickly, so the absence of a reply can be perceived as a deafening silence. This silence can be either a deliberate snub or a side effect of relationships that start off intensely and then gradually fade. "Back in the day, when a guy wanted to break up, he had to discuss it or at least call," says Dr. Wick. "But today, he can simply disappear from your contacts, and you never find out what went wrong." Children often begin to imagine the worst-case scenarios. The constant waiting for a response can also cause anxiety. We feel that we are being put second, and our natural need for communication remains unmet.

What Can Parents Do?

Experts agree that, first and foremost, parents should reduce their own consumption of technology to minimize risks for their children. Parents must set an example of healthy gadget use. We check our phones or email too often — whether out of genuine interest or as a nervous habit. Children need to see our faces, not our heads bent over screens. Create gadget-free zones at home and designated times when neither mom nor dad uses their phone. "Do not come home from work interrupting a family conversation," advises Dr. Steiner-Adair. "Enter, say hello quickly, and then immediately get on with your tasks. Try getting up half an hour before the children to check your email, and give them your full attention until they leave. And neither you nor the children should use phones in the car — it is an important time for communication." Limiting screen time helps create a healthy balance in the world of technology and strengthens the bond between parents and children. Children should know that you are always ready to listen to them, discuss their problems, or offer practical advice. "Small moments when parents are absorbed in their devices weaken the parental bond," warns Dr. Steiner-Adair. And when children begin to seek help online or try to figure out what happened during the day, you might not like what they find. "Technology can provide your children with more information than you can, but they do not share your values. They do not take into account your child's individual characteristics and do not answer their questions in a manner appropriate for their age," notes Dr. Steiner-Adair. Dr. Wick also advises delaying exposure to technology for as long as possible. "I give the same advice as I do regarding alcohol for children — try to go as long as possible without it," she says. If your child is already using a social network, add them as a friend and monitor their page, but do not intrude on private messages unless you have serious grounds for concern. "If there is reason for worry, you can intervene, but it must be truly significant. Parents who spy on their children risk destroying trust. Your child should feel that you trust them and believe they are a good person." Finally, to foster healthy self-esteem outside the internet, it is important to engage children in activities that genuinely interest them — whether it be sports, music, working with computers, or volunteering. When children learn to value their abilities rather than just their looks or material possessions, they become happier and better prepared for success in real life. And the fact that many of these activities involve face-to-face interaction with peers is an added bonus.