How Long Does It Take to Move On? Study Reveals the Timeline of Emotional Detachment

Breakup with a partner is a trial that leaves a mark on the soul. Even after months or years, many continue to feel an emotional connection with former lovers. But how long does it take to finally let go of the past and move on? Psychologists from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (USA) conducted a study to determine how long the process of emotional breakup lasts and which factors influence it.

Eight Years – The Average Duration of Emotional Detachment

According to the study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, on average, it takes about eight years for a person to completely sever the emotional bond with an ex-partner. Researchers surveyed 320 people who had experienced a breakup after long-term relationships. The average age of the participants was just over 30 years old, 57% of whom were women. The relationships lasted an average of 4.6 years, and approximately five years had passed since the breakup. Participants filled out questionnaires in which they assessed their feelings towards former partners and compared them with their emotions towards friends, relatives, or strangers. The researchers also took into account who initiated the breakup and whether the respondents had entered new relationships. The results showed that the attachment to ex-partners gradually fades: after four years, most participants had overcome half of the path to complete indifference, and after eight years, the ex-partners were perceived as ordinary acquaintances from the past, not evoking strong emotions. However, these are just average figures. For some people, the process takes longer, and for some, the feelings for their exes never disappear.

How Was the Study Conducted?

To collect data, the psychologists asked the participants questions about how attached they were to their exes: whether they wanted to spend time with them, felt safe around them, or missed the past. These same questions were asked about other people in their lives to understand how the perception of ex-partners changes over time. The analysis showed that the emotional bond gradually weakens, and after eight years, most people stop feeling anything more than a neutral attitude towards their exes.

What Influences the Speed of Emotional Detachment?

The study identified several key factors that determine how quickly a person can let go of an ex-partner:

• Anxious Attachment Style. People with heightened anxiety retain the emotional bond longer, as they find it harder to cope with the feeling of loss.
• Communication with the Ex. Those who continue to contact their ex-partner after the breakup are more likely to remain emotionally dependent.
• Shared Children. Having children strengthens the bond immediately after the breakup, but over time it weakens faster than in childless couples, possibly due to the need to shift to new roles and responsibilities.

Interestingly, factors such as gender or the presence of new relationships have practically no influence on the speed of emotional detachment. This indicates that the process depends more on a person's internal characteristics than on external circumstances.

Individual Differences: Why Some Never Forget?

Despite the average duration of eight years, the study emphasizes that the process is different for everyone. Some participants, even after years, could not regard their exes as strangers. This may be due to the depth of the feelings, the circumstances of the breakup, or personal psychological traits. For such people, the emotional attachment becomes part of their history, which never completely disappears.

How to Speed Up the Process of Emotional Detachment?

If you want to let go of the past faster, psychologists advise:

• Stop Communicating with Your Ex. The fewer contacts, the easier it is to shift your focus to your own life.
• Seek Professional Help. Working with a psychologist can help you understand your emotions and speed up your recovery.
• Focus on Yourself. New hobbies, goals, and relationships can provide support during this period.

Conclusion: Time Heals, but Everyone Has Their Own Pace

The study by the University of Illinois confirms: an emotional breakup with an ex-partner is a long and individual process. On average, it takes about eight years, but for some, it may last longer or even never be fully completed. Understanding the factors that influence this journey helps to recognize one's feelings and find ways to cope with them. A breakup is not the end, but the beginning of a new chapter, and time truly can heal even the deepest wounds.