Who Is a Pick-Me Girl? Meaning of the Term and Psychological Perspective

In recent years, social media has actively discussed the phenomenon of the pick-me girl — women who strive to stand out from other women in order to attract male attention. The term went viral thanks to TikTok, where videos with the hashtag PickMeGirl have accumulated billions of views. However, behind the internet memes lies a serious psychological issue related to self-esteem, gender stereotypes, and internalized misogyny.

What the term pick-me girl means

Pick-me girl is a slang expression referring to a woman who does everything possible to gain male attention and approval, often by putting down other women in the process. The term originates from a cult scene in the 2005 TV series “Grey’s Anatomy,” where the character Meredith Grey delivers the emotional line: “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” Initially a touching moment, it later became a symbol of a desperate desire to be chosen at any cost. The term began spreading actively in 2016 on Twitter through the hashtag TweetLikeAPickMe, where users ironically mocked a certain type of female behavior. The phenomenon gained a new wave of popularity in 2023–2024 thanks to TikTok, where content creators made parody videos ridiculing typical pick-me traits.

Main characteristics of pick-me behavior

Demonstrative difference from other women

The main feature of a pick-me girl is the constant emphasis on her uniqueness and difference from other women. Such girls often use phrases like “I’m not like other girls” or “I get along better with guys because girls are too dramatic.” Psychologists identify two main types of pick-me behavior: exaggerated femininity with a demonstration of maximum care and tenderness, and the opposite variant — “tomboy” behavior that rejects traditional femininity.

Adoption of stereotypically male interests

Girls who display pick-me behavior often emphasize their love for cars, football, video games, heavy music, and other hobbies traditionally considered male. At the same time, they speak disdainfully about fashion, cosmetics, and other female interests, calling them superficial or stupid. Typical statements include: “I drink beer instead of cocktails,” “I don’t wear makeup because I love being natural, unlike the others,” “I hate pink — it’s for girly girls.”

Criticism and belittling of other women

An important component of the pick-me phenomenon is a negative attitude toward one’s own gender group. Such girls regularly criticize other women, calling them emotional, materialistic, or dramatic, thereby elevating themselves in the eyes of men.

Psychological reasons for pick-me behavior

Low self-esteem and the need for external validation

Specialists point out that at the core of pick-me behavior lies self-rejection and low self-esteem. Girls with these traits are dependent on others’ opinions and need constant confirmation of their worth through attention from the opposite sex. Professor Tara Suwinyattichaiporn from California State University notes that the pick-me image is based on internal self-rejection, gender stereotypes, and the feeling that women are competitors in the struggle for male attention.

Influence of upbringing and social norms

Psychologists associate the formation of pick-me behavior with family attitudes and cultural patterns. If a girl is programmed from an early age to believe that her main goal is to please a man, she develops the conviction that she must constantly prove her value through male approval. In patriarchal societies, male approval historically meant social and economic stability, turning the desire to be chosen into a survival strategy. Modern girls continue to reproduce these outdated patterns even when economic necessity no longer exists.

Negative personal experiences

Traumatic relationship experiences, rejection, or bullying can also contribute to the development of pick-me behavior. A girl begins to believe that the problem lies in other women or in her insufficient conformity to male expectations and tries to compensate for this by demonstratively differentiating herself from others.

Pick-me boy: the male version of the phenomenon

The term has also spread to men. A pick-me boy is a guy who uses self-deprecation and displays of vulnerability as a tool to attract female attention. Such men complain about not meeting standards of masculinity in an attempt to elicit sympathy. However, unlike pick-me girls, pick-me boys’ behavior often includes manipulation and emotional blackmail. Initially presenting themselves as kind and understanding, after rejection they may become aggressive and resort to misogynistic insults.

How to get rid of pick-me behavior

Working on self-esteem

The first step toward change is acknowledging the problem and understanding that the pursuit of male approval primarily harms the woman herself. It is recommended to replace negative thoughts about oneself with positive ones, for example by keeping a gratitude journal that records personal achievements and positive qualities.

Caring for physical and emotional well-being

Girls with low self-esteem need to shift their focus from external approval to their internal state. Regular physical activity, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and engaging in favorite hobbies help improve well-being and increase self-worth.

Changing one’s social environment

It is critically important to surround oneself with supportive people who inspire rather than undermine self-esteem. Toxic relationships should be avoided, and it should be remembered that one’s environment strongly influences self-perception.

Why the term pick-me is considered harmful

Reinforcement of misogyny

Paradoxically, a term originally intended to criticize misogyny has itself become an instrument of misogyny. By using the word “pick-me” as an insult, women label other women, devalue them, and mock their interests. This also affects girls who genuinely enjoy football, video games, or technology while having stable self-esteem and no tendency to belittle other women. The term boxes them in and prevents them from behaving naturally.

A vicious circle of female competition

By mocking pick-me girls, women repeat the same actions — belittling other women’s worth and criticizing their choices. Moreover, some use accusations of pick-me behavior as a way to attract male attention themselves, positioning themselves as the “right” kind of women.

Shifting responsibility

The root of pick-me behavior lies in patriarchal social structures that instill in girls the idea that male activities are more important than female ones, and that male approval is the ultimate goal. However, instead of criticizing the system, society blames women themselves, using the term as a way to point fingers at them.

Pick-me in popular culture

The pick-me phenomenon has long been part of mass culture. Romantic comedies of the 2000s were built on contrasting the “special” female protagonist with ordinary girls. Examples include the films “10 Things I Hate About You,” “Gone Girl,” and TV series such as “How I Met Your Mother” (the character Robin Scherbatsky), “Euphoria” (Cassie), and “Wednesday.” In music, ironic tracks mocking pick-me rhetoric have appeared. Songs by Frosya Ravilova and Lady Evelyn titled “Pick Me” parody typical phrases like: “I drink beer, I’m simple, not like those glamorous ones,” “Don’t give me roses, better show me your garage.” On TikTok, videos with the hashtag PickMeGirl have amassed over five billion views, demonstrating the scale of the phenomenon in modern digital culture.

Conclusion

The pick-me girl phenomenon reflects deep problems in gender relations in society: low female self-esteem, internalized misogyny, and patriarchal beliefs that a woman’s value is determined by male approval. Instead of using the term as an insult, it is important to understand the psychological reasons behind such behavior and to support women in developing healthy self-esteem. The real solution lies not in criticizing individual girls, but in changing social attitudes and creating an environment where women do not feel the need to compete with each other for male attention.